While admittedly most parents would rather their child never have sex, it is an inevitable fact that at some point in your child’s life they will want to have sex. So that means that as a parent you have the responsibility of talking to your child about when it is appropriate for them to start having sex. This is going to vary from person to person. For some families, age is a factor in when it’s appropriate to have sex. In another family, relationship status is a factor in when it’s appropriate to have sex. And for some, it’s merely a personal choice that it is left up to the child.
First and foremost, it is important to understand there are laws regarding when it is appropriate to start having sex. The legal age in this country for when it’s appropriate to have sex is the age of 16. If you are under the age of 16 and having sex it’s not legal.
Beyond the legal age of 16, the choice is up to you and your family for when it is appropriate to start having sex. If you want to talk to your child about when to start having sex, use the steps below. They will make the conversation easier, and help your child have a clear understanding of when you feel it is appropriate for them to start having sex.
Communication with your teen is crucial.
First: Discuss your family’s values on the subject.
Every family is going to have a different view on this subject. What your family morals and values are should play a significant role in how and when you talk to your child, as well as what you discuss when talking to your kids about when they can start having sex. If your family values are that sex is something that should be reserved for marriage, this is something you would want to teach them from a young age, and reinforce to them as they start dating and having serious relationships. If your values are different from that, the timing and place are going to vary. For some families, the subject is rarely broached, but should be. So, be sure your child has a clear understanding of what your family expects of them in this situation, no matter what that expectation is.
Second: Discuss the level of maturity required for sex.
When you talk to your kids about when to start having sex it is essential that they understand that there is a lot more to the decision than determining if they are physically ready, and have the physical urges that lead to sex. Be sure as you talk about when to start having sex that you explain to them, and help them understand, the level of maturity and commitment it takes to engage in this activity. Sex changes things, and taking a mature, thought out approach to it, rather than a hormone driven approach is important for long term happiness.
Third: Discuss the emotional stability needed before engaging in sex.
Many kids see sex as an idolized thing, and see people on television, and possibly even their friends, having sex all the time with different partners, etc. It is crucial when you talk to your children about sex that they understand the level of intimacy it involves, and how emotionally involved it can make you with your sexual partner. It is critical to their emotional well-being that they do not engage in sex until they have the emotional stability required to do so.
Fourth: Discuss relationship status, and how it relates to sex.
Media, friends, and even family may teach your child that it is okay to have sex with someone on the first date, or to “hook up” with people they do not know very well, or at all. When you talk to your kids about when to start having sex you should discuss with them that part of having sex with someone is having a relationship with them. Help them understand your feelings about the type of relationship status they should have with someone before engaging in sexual intercourse with that person.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to