Why Kids Lie (and How Not to Handle It)

Many of us lied about one thing or another when we were young. Some of us didn’t really understand why lying was bad, although many of us did. We lied regardless, and many of us suffered the consequences. I remember my father once becoming insanely angry at me for lying about something. I don’t even remember what I lied about, but I do remember him throwing something and screaming at me. He even called me a bad name and grounded me for a month. That was kind of strict, although now I can understand why he was angry. With some kids of my own I realize that their lying shows ingratitude and a real bad attitude. It makes me just as angry as my father was when my children lie to me or to other people, but I don’t scream and throw things. Instead I ask myself why my kids are lying and try to find some way to get them to stop (besides scaring them to death). The reason I have decided to stop getting angry is that I realize that it doesn’t do any good. There are, basically, some good ways to handle a kid lying and some very bad ways to handle the situation. While anger might scare a child it also turns them away from you. It says that you are not a safe person to confide in or have a relationship with. If they make a mistake you will be there, ready to pounce on them and hurt them. This probably won’t stop the lying–in fact it might only make it worse. When children become afraid they often find even more devious ways of hiding things or of lying. This was especially the case with me when I was young. After my father would get really angry I would be scared for a while, but then I would get really angry back at him. I couldn’t express this anger openly, so I would find other ways to rebel. One of those ways was to try to get away with the very things that made him angry.

Get to the bottom of your child’s lying.

Another way to handle a child lying is to simply do nothing at all. This is an equally bad idea to getting really angry. Frankly speaking, doing nothing will probably only lead to disaster. Your child is doing something wrong and if you do not step in and change the behavior there is a good chance that the behavior will continue and become worse. There is a good chance that it will become a regular habit of their adult lives and seriously affect them.

So what is a good approach to a lying child? If not anger or complete denial, then what can we do to stop the behavior? First, confront the child about the behavior. Let them know that you know about what they are doing and that you do not think it is okay.Then help them to understand why it is wrong to lie. Help them to see the consequences of their actions and the effects of those consequences on other people. Most children have a highly developed sense of right and wrong, although they don’t always use it. If you rely on this sense they will probably come around and see things from your perspective. Finally, express some sort of love for them and help and tell them that you expect better behavior in the future. When the child knows you love them they will respect you and want to earn your respect. They will naturally want to alter their own behavior.