As a parent it is sometimes hard to distinguish between when you ought to butt in and help your child, or stay out of it, and let them handle the problems by themselves. Parents tend to hover, and are ever so tempted to step in and take over whenever their child is in trouble, but they shouldn’t always do so. The following is a guide for when to butt in, and when to stay out of it:
Butt in:
1. If it is dangerous. Your kids should handle their own problems, but if they are involved in something dangerous, it is up to you to step in and put a stop to it, or help them to get through the problem. The dangers are some what defined by you, but should be carefully monitored. For example, you may think a boy your daughter is dating is dangerous, but stepping in may actually push them to the boy, rather than stepping away from him. So, unless the boy starts pressuring her, or unless he does something to show that he is indeed a danger, then stay out of it. However, if your child is in a gang, or is part of a dangerous group, then most certainly step in.
2. Illegal activity. If your child is involved in something illegal, it is not good to stand passively by, and let them work it out themselves. It is critical that you step in and put a stop to it, and help them get out of it. Whether it is drugs, or gaming, or something else, if they are involved in illegal activity, you need to butt in.
3. Jeopardize future. If your child is doing something that will jeopardize their future, then it is a good idea to step in. For example, if they are neglecting their schoolwork, and thus ruining their chances to go to college, then step in, and force them to get back to work. Butt in if they aren’t seeing the long-term consequences of their choices.
Stay out:
1. Friends. If your child is having problems with their friends, then stay out of it. Unless it gets them in trouble, or puts them in danger, let them work out their own problems. It is their problem, and they need to learn how to work it out, socially.
2. Individuality. Sometimes your child does things that you do not love, such as dress in a weird way, or wear their hair too long, or listen to music that you hate. However, unless it is illegal, dangerous, or getting in the way of their future, you should let them go through their phase.
3. Not really a big deal in the scheme of things. Is the problem worth it if you are going to have to have a big fight as a result of it? What is going to happen in the long run? If it is not a big deal, do not get involved.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to