Need to Know: Second Child Syndrome

Second child syndrome is a real problem for people who have multiple children. Kids are often the victim of birth order, and that is exactly what second child syndrome is. Second child syndrome is basically a syndrome where the second child feels ignored and unimportant.

The problem of second child syndrome is that no matter how hard a parent tries, it is difficult to be awed by all those little firsts, and everything else when they have already gone through it before. They can’t help it. They have already seen a child burp for the first time, and walk for the first time, etc. so those little things are not as exciting.

Second child syndrome results from less attention from parents. They often require less attention because they are used to it. They may become reclusive in a way because they do not feel like it is important for them to have attention. If their family does not care to give them attention, why would anyone else?

Second child syndrome also results in a faster disconnect from parents. Basically, the child does not get the attention from parents that the first child might get, and so they do not need them as long. They become independent much more quickly. They find ways to self soothe, and learn to rely on himself or herself rather than on a parent.

Often the child suffering from second child syndrome will need a lot of extra attention and love. The tricky thing is that they don’t want it. Or at least they think they don’t. As a parent tries to correct the mistakes they made that lead to second child syndrome, they often meet resistance and frustration from the child. Their second child will often use phrases like, “I hate you.” Or “Leave me alone.” The important thing is for the parent to keep trying.

Second child syndrome often comes from being compared to the other child or children in the family. If a parent wants their child to not suffer the often self-confidence shattering problems that come with second child syndrome, they need to be sure that they do not fuel sibling rivalry, or resentment between siblings. While some healthy competition between siblings is important, parents need to ensure that they are helping their second child feel as important as the other child.

Give your second child no option other than to feel loved and secure. The way you do this is show them more and more attention, and give them every reason to realize they are important. Don’t stop showing it, and they will eventually start believing it.

The second child syndrome often leads to the child being less ambitious. They often see their older sibling being successful and doing well in life, and because of that, they do not think they can ever live up to the same. So, instead of trying, they never try, and as a result become the proverbial under-achiever.