For kids, falling off the edge is easy when you don’t know how far you should, and can go. Good parents ensure their kids have clear limits which act as a reference to good behaviour. I once heard a story about a poor farming family. Let’s call them the Browns. They were out when the little chickens Mr Brown bought from a fellow farmer was delivered, so the guy left them in a crate on the front step. By the time the Browns got home later that evening, hungry and tired, the crate was empty and the chickens were galavanting around the farm.
Mr Brown, his wife and three kids spent hours gathering up all the chickens they could find. It took them ages and the family was totally exhausted by the time the chickens were all caught. Tired, but angry at the farmer, Mr Brown called him up for a rant. ‘How could you leave the chickens at the door step in a crate? Couldn’t you bring them back tomorrow? We spent ages collecting them all and still could only find eleven!’ Mr Brown raged.
‘Eleven’, said the farmer on the other end of the line. ‘I only brought you six’.
The moral of this story is that kids won’t know how far they can go without the boundaries set for them by positive parenting.
5 Top Tips on Setting Boundaries for Your Kids
- Be consistent with the rules you make for your kids. When you’re tired, instead of changing the rules to suit your mood, stick to them and promise to discuss any issues at a later date.
- Give kids incentives to stick to their boundaries. Don’t pay them money or give them things, but make sure you give twice as much praise (when they do things right) as complain (when they do things wrong).
- Show your child how to behave by your example, not just by your rules. Don’t make them tell the caller you’re not at home if you don’t want them to lie. Don’t break the speed limit with them in the car if you want them to be good citizens. Don’t get drunk if you warn them about the dangers of drugs. Be decent to people if you tell your kids not to be bullies etc.
- Parent the positive way by showing your children that your life has boundaries too, by the way you manage your finance and live within your means; by the way you take care of your possessions; by the way you shop with and for them. They’ll see this and learn from it without you having to say anything about financial boundaries.
- Positive and practical parenting gives children freedom based on their track record. Reward your child when she/he shows responsibility and recognises the boundaries you’ve set. If they consistently keep to their curfew, extend it twice a year (in moderation). If they follow your rules on cleaning their rooms, give them the new blanket/rug etc they’ve wanted for ages. Spend quality time with your kids If they’ve done something you asked them to do.
Always keep in mind that parenting is not just about giving your kids things they want. It’s also about wanting the things they’re giving you. Your kids want to give you fashion advice, they want to teach you about the music they listen to. They also want to give you precious time. Are you willing to accept these gifts? Do you sit with your kids and listen to what they’re saying about themselves or do you just talk, lecture, talk, lecture? When you have a conversation with your kids, who’s doing more of the talking? If it’s you, stop and change.
Give yourself this target. Stop and change if you find yourself doing most of the talking when you and your kids are together. Remember you’ll never get to know them, thus properly parent them if you don’t listen to them.
Anne Lyken-Garner is a blogger and author of ‘How To Raise Your Kids To Be Responsible Adults’. She writes at The Relationship Supermarket and welcomes any questions you may have.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to
Giving boundaries to kids is a must! Parents should be strict on this one and should be a model for their children. by behaving so well children deserve to have a reward for them to feel that what they are doing is really appreciated.