Continual child care can be very rough on your finances, and when children reach a certain age they may start resenting official supervision. But, if left to their own devices, how can you be assured they’ll stay out of trouble? Before rushing into any decisions, there are a few things parents should consider.
• Make Sure Your Child is Ready
Experts recommend children should be at least middle school age before they are left entirely on their own. When children have too much responsibility prematurely, they are prone to make bad decisions. They’re bombarded with temptation to use the internet inappropriately, watch television or movies they’re not allowed to, interact with strangers, or experiment with drugs or alcohol. On the other hand, experts warn that waiting too long can present issues as well. In pre-adolescent and teen years, children tend to push their limits and challenge authority. Carefully evaluate your child on an individual basis to make sure they’re at an appropriate place to begin exercising independence.
• Ease Into the Process
Allow your child to practice being on their own a little at a time. Visit a friend or run an errand nearby, and have your child check in with you every 20 minutes. By demonstrating they can be trusted to call on a consistent basis, your child is showing he or she may be ready for more responsibility. Gradually increase the time you leave your child alone until you both feel confident in the situation.
• Discuss and Agree Upon Guidelines
Have a discussion with your child and, if necessary, create a list of rules that must be followed while you are gone. Let them know if you want them to call as soon as they get home from school. Talk about safety rules, like keeping doors locked, not using stoves or ovens, not answering the door for strangers etc. In addition, lay down rules of what they’re allowed or not allowed to do in your absence. Be specific if you do not want them to use the computer or television. Perhaps you want them to stay indoors at all times or refrain from having friends over. Make sure all issues that are important to you are addressed and that you and child are both on the same page.
• Take it With a Grain of Salt
Be aware the trial phase can often be deceptive. It generally goes well for both the child and parent because both of you have a strong desire for it to be successful. However it can be a dangerous situation when the child gains confidence in their newfound independence and begins to crave more. When the initial excitement wears off and your child grows bored, temptation to invite a friend over or go on a bike ride may increase. Straying from your set rules can lead to trouble.
• Consider the Alternatives
Because unsupervised children are more likely to get into trouble, many schools and cities have organized after-school programs. They are typically inexpensive or free and are worth taking advantage of if you feel this is a better fit for you and your child.
• Always Be on Your Guard
If you decided your child is ready to test the waters of independence, keep in mind you will have to be vigilant in checking up on them. Look for signs that the agreed upon rules were broken while you were away. Children of working parents can often be careless in covering up their misbehavior, relying on the fact that you’ll be too exhausted to check.
• Enlist the Help of a Neighbor
Tell a trusted friend in the neighborhood that your child will be on their own. Discreetly ask them to keep their eyes peeled while your away, watching for any danger or signs of your child’s misbehavior. Knowing there’s an extra person to alert you if anything goes wrong will help you rest a little easier while you’re gone.
Brandon Mercury is a writer for the In Good Measure blog. He enjoys writing about home, family improvement.
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I remember when I was allowed to stay home alone for the first time, it was actually scary. My parents laid out guidelines for me and did have a neighbor check-in periodically to make sure I was okay, but I am glad my parents allowed it. I was in middle school and I needed to learn responsibility.
On the other hand, the world today is so different than when I was young. When my daughter is in middle school will I allow her to stay home alone? I am not sure yet, but it is going to require strict guidelines and lots of trust. I am just concerned that something may happen, but she is never going to learn responsibility until she is given the opportunity.
For me it is not still advisable to leave child or kids alone at home. There are incidents
of robbery even there are adults.
I have a 14 year old daughter that I sometimes left at home alone. I know her very well that she is responsible and smart but still I am not comfortable while I’m gone. I keep on calling her to check if she is ok. For me leaving our kids alone is not a good idea it is not safe anymore compared before.