I have made many choices in my life. Some were very good, some were not so great but bearable and others were very regrettable. I think we all can find at least one choice in our lives to fit into each of those categories. Thankfully I don’t have too many that fit that last one.
Sometimes however, the choices we make don’t really feel like our choices. For example, I didn’t want to start my family at age 37. But I didn’t meet my husband until I was 30 and we didn’t get married until I was 36. I didn’t have to wait to have children. I could have found any guy to be a father and had a baby at 25, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to fall in love, get married and raise a family. So I guess I CHOSE to wait.
I also chose to enter Graduate School. While it was something I desired, it wasn’t exactly the program I originally wanted. However, I was invited to take part in a rare and incredible opportunity, so I applied. I was accepted. And six years later I emerged with my Ph.D. in Biomedical Engineering with absolutely no student loans. See what I mean about a “rare and incredible opportunity”.
Now I have the choice of going back to work or continuing as a stay at home mom. I choose to stay home with my daughters. In a way, I don’t feel it’s a choice. I actually feel compelled to do it. I love being with them and it’s more difficult work than I have ever done in my life. This is all very strange for me because I never saw myself as the stay at home mom type. I would always say “Oh no! I would go crazy at home. I would have to work!” And while I have lost my grip on sanity at times, I have to say that staying home with my girls is more rewarding than I could have ever imagined.
Some people don’t get it. They find out about my degree and they look at me all slack-jawed, like how dare I stay home when I went to school for so long. They ask why I bothered at all with Graduate school or why I wasted all that money and time if I was going to just stay home. Some of you are thinking that right now…aren’t you?
Well I could be impertinent and say it’s none of your business and realistically…it isn’t. However, I will afford you one explanation. The truth is I think that I can do more right now in helping shape the lives of my two daughters than I could ever do behind a microscope. My heart used to be in science, but now it’s with my family.
Do I miss work? Sometimes. I do miss being on the cutting edge of science and being able to stretch my brain daily. Although I have to say, caring for two babies under two stretches not only my brain, but my patience, vocal chords and everything else pretty well.
Submitted by Claudine Jaboro
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to
Way to go Claude! Parenting does stretch the brain. Haha
It’s true, our priorities shift and then we make choices. It’s regrettable that a lot of the time people feel the need to judge. Great article!
Great post!
When my parents married in 1957 Dad was 34, Mom 28.
She had been a restuarnat waitress, he was a college groundskeeper.
She decided to become a stay at home Mom, and had her last of 3 children at age 39.
A year later Dad became mentally ill. Mom cared more about raising us kids than getting a job, for income, so we lived off the govt. She died in 1990. Wish I’d asked her more about why she never went back to any sort of work life. Her answer would have been interesting to know.