All too often in life we live in the past. For example, “In high school I was this, I used to love that, I was great at this”. In relationships this can be a problem. You have to live in the now in your relationship to make it work. Just because you once had passion for one another does not mean you still do, etc. So, how do you live in the now in your relationship? Try the following:
1.First and foremost you have to let go of the past.
To do this, start by writing down everything you once were, and then compare it to what you now are. For example, “I used to be a runner.” I now rarely work out. This may be difficult for some as it can be easier to live in the past then face the present, and many do not like what they see. However, this step is critical to successfully living in the now in your relationships.
2.Make desired changes.
If after completing the first step you realize that you still want to be something you used to be, or do something you used to do, now is the time to implement it. Now you are living in the present in other areas of your life, and you are letting the past lie. It is time to do the same for your relationship.
3.Take a few minutes to write down past feelings in your relationship.
Write down actions and events that led to these feelings. Then write down honest and open current feelings. What led to these feelings? For example: Your past feelings may have been love and trust. These were established by displays of love and affection on a regular basis. Now you feel resentment and distrust. This was caused by a cheating partner. After making it clear what was once felt versus what is now felt you can move to the next step.
4.Now it is time to look at the differences in feelings.
What brought those differences on, which can be overcome, and which can’t. For example: you may have initially been very physically attracted to your partner. They worked out a lot, had a tan, lots of definition, etc. Now, however, you are not so physically attracted. They let themselves go, got sloppy, are pale, etc. This is easily overcome; they can get back into shape and visit a tanning salon. However, if you once trusted them, and they cheated and lost your trust, you may find that you can’t get over that difference in feeling. This is up to you. So, evaluate.
If you do the above things you will now have a pretty clear picture of your relationship. Instead of being confused by past feelings, you have a written list of current feelings and what led to them. You also have a good idea of where the relationship can go. So, now it is time to start implementing any changes you determined. For example, if you used to spend a lot of time together and had a lot of fun, but now you spend most of your time working, that is a change you can start with yourself. Call your partner, and ask them to spend the evening with you doing something you both enjoy: go to dinner, go rock climbing, go see a movie, walk hand in hand, buy furniture, whatever it is you enjoy, do it!
If you can do these things you will be able to live in the now in your relationship, you can let go of the past, get over what you need to get over, or recognize your inability to get over something and move on. It is up to you to implement these steps, and to be honest about who you are, and how you feel.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to