The first time you hear the question, “Can I spend the night over at my friend’s house?” you will know that you have reached another milestone in your child’s development. You may wonder if you are prepared for this step, as well as be concerned about his level of readiness for a first sleepover. It’s not uncommon to be awakened in the middle of the night by a phone call from a homesick child, but it’s still an experience you’d like to avoid if at all possible. So how can you tell if your child is ready for his first sleepover?
Usually, children have had sleepovers with relatives before the day comes for the sleepover with friends. Your child may be used to spending special time with Grandma and Grandpa, and be a bit more equipped for a sleepover with a friend as a result of those experiences. You feel comfortable with family members because in a way they are an extension of you, but you don’t have the same reassurance when it comes to allowing a sleepover with a stranger. Before you can determine your child’s level of readiness, you’ll have to objectively examine your own feelings on the subject.
Figure Out How You Feel About the Situation
Sometimes, it’s not the readiness of a child that’s called into question. Parents often need to prepare themselves for the first night away too. In order for your child to feel secure in spending the night away from home, you need to feel okay about it yourself. Unless you know the host parents very well, you may be reluctant to let your child go. These feelings of uncertainty are normal. Your child will be away from you and you will have no control over the situation. Take some time to get to know the other parents a little better. Make sure they have your emergency contact information and that your child knows that she can call home.
Consider Your Child’s Level of Independence
Children grow toward independence at different rates. Some are quick to seek out new and different things, while others prefer to stick with what they know by embracing change slowly. This means that you may have a youngster who is ready to spend the night with friends by the time she gets to kindergarten, or you may have a child that is nearing puberty and still declines invitations for sleepovers. You are the best judge of your child’s readiness for a night away from home.
Allowing your child to seek his own comfort level in the move toward independence is important. Keeping your child too close when he’s ready to take steps toward autonomy is just as detrimental as pushing him out when he is not ready to go. At the same time, he may think he is ready to spend the night with friends when you’re well aware that he hasn’t quite reached that stage. If you feel strongly that he is not ready for a full night away from home, you might let him go for a while then bring him home at bed time. Always let your child know that calling home is an option, no matter what time the call comes.
Look for Signs of Readiness
Just preparing for a sleepover will give you a clue as to whether or not your child is actually ready for this big step. You and your child will most likely have some anxiety over the first night away from home, even if he’s ready to spend the night away from home. If you’ve met the host parents, supplied them with your emergency contact information and feel that your child will be staying in a safe, well-supervised home, then you should put your worries to rest. If your child clearly wants to take this step, now is the time for you to be supportive and be ready to let go a little.
Some children who are used to traveling a lot or spending nights with relatives may not have problems sleeping in different places, and therefore may be excited about spending the night with friends. Other kids feel secure in their usual routine, and are uncomfortable with the idea of changing it. However you child approaches the situation, be supportive.
Take into consideration your child’s night habits. Does she wake up a lot during the night for attention or bathroom trips? Waking up in a strange environment can be upsetting for a child, and the host parents may not appreciate being on duty all night long. If your child is very active at night, she may not be ready for a sleepover yet.
Timing can be critical as well. When things are going smoothly at home, sending Junior off to spend the night with friends is fine. If there are things going on at home, like the addition of a new baby, a move, a divorce or the death of a loved one, this would not be a good time to expect him to be ready for a sleepover if he hasn’t experienced one before. If he has a desire to go and you’re in agreement that’s one thing, but if the invitation has been offered and he would rather stay home, don’t force the issue.
Children who show independence, are willing to take responsibility for their actions, follow instructions well and look forward to new things are more likely to enjoy a first-time sleepover than those who don’t possess these qualities yet. You want your child to have a good time, and enjoy their time with friends. You also want your child to be a good guest. If you feel that your child may not follow the rules or be respectful of the host home, then it’s wise to put off a sleepover until you’ve had a chance to work on his manners. When you feel confident that your child will make a good guest and be comfortable staying away from home, those are solid indicators that he’s ready for his first sleepover.
Maureen Denard is a free lance writer & a frequent contributor to the blog at Find a Nanny.
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