It is always best to prevent a problem from occurring than it is to have to deal with that problem after the fact right? The same is true with sibling rivalries. Being preemptive about sibling rivalries may not eliminate the possibility of having a rivalry. But chances are that those rivalries will be much more manageable than had you done nothing at all to deter your children from being prone to argue with each other.
You need to be preemptive about sibling rivalries especially if you are planning on having a second baby or are currently pregnant with that second baby. Of course there are preemptive measures that can be taken once your children have already started to develop sibling rivalries, but by this point it becomes much more difficult to get those rivalries under control.
Children often develop rivalries with their siblings as a way of getting attention. You may think, “Isn’t everything that they do to get attention?” But in reality it makes a lot of sense that siblings begin fighting because they have to compete for everything whereas before when there was just one child there was nothing that had to be shared. Additionally, when there is a new baby in the house, not only is attention diverted from the older sibling but a great deal of attention is diverted as babies require constant care. These are the humble beginnings of feelings of resentment, feeling treated unfairly, and fighting for the affection of mom and dad that are so often at the heart of sibling rivalries.
Being preemptive about sibling rivalries has its challenges. If your first child is still only a toddler when your second child is born, that toddler may not be able to fully understand what is happening even if you do take time and make the effort to smooth out the transition for him. Generally signs that you can look for in a toddler are feelings if unsettledness, increased fussiness and an overall greater demand for your time.
When your first child begins exhibiting some of these signs of distress be very understanding and patient with him. You may want to allow him to do things that he may normally not be permitted to do. Get that toddler involved in the care of his sibling. Allow him to help you to help his new sibling. Through helping each other these two siblings form a healthy bond that will help deter any intense feelings of rivalry in the future.
Make sure that you tell and show each of your children that they are special to you by giving your time to them. Sure it may be easy to buy a toy or some treat that keeps your child happy for a few moments. But if you are serious about deterring feelings of competitiveness and anxiety between your kids, buying their love is definitely something to try to avoid.
Simply being aware of the individual needs of your children is a huge step towards being preemptive about sibling rivalries. Teaching your children principles of charity, empathy, and family love are excellent bases to build on. As a parent it is not necessarily your fault if your kids do not get along all of the time. Kids are going to have their quarrels. But it is certainly within reason to say that you can do a lot towards preventing more serious conflicts and long lasting rivalries. As the parent you are the supreme example to your children. Make sure that you practice what you preach and live a life that is exemplary for your children so that they can see exactly how to solve disagreements and to get along with others.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to