Your child disobeyed you. Or did something really dangerous, like climb a high wall while playing, and you need to teach her that she could seriously hurt herself. So you yell at her. Perhaps forbid her from playing with her friends for a day to drive the point home. When you’re yelling, your husband can’t stand it, and he intervenes, telling you that she’s a child and didn’t know what she did was wrong. Is that a good thing for the child, or does it teach her to undermine your authority?
Truth be told, there are so many opinions on how to discipline kids that it gets confusing for parents after a while about what to do and what not to do. However, The Courier Mail ran an article by Jackie Sinnerton, in which he talks about a study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. According to this research, it’s a good thing if the other parent steps in during negative disciplining like hitting and scolding because it shows the child that it’s not okay to behave that way.
Here are a few things you should keep in mind about good cop, bad cop parenting though:
1. It’s Not Always Okay To Undermine Each Other:
If one parent is always stepping in to contradict the other in disciplining strategies, the child receives a message that she can take advantage of the situation. So she’ll always go to the good cop if she wants something done, believing that she can convince him to take her side, no matter how unreasonable her demand.
2. It’s Not Necessary To Always Agree With Each Other:
Child psychologist Judith Locke (as Sinnerton quotes her) is of the opinion that a parent should not have to back the other one up constantly. That might tell your child that one parent has greater authority over the other. So, if you agree with your partner’s disciplining choices very strongly, add a word or two to it, by all means. But don’t take over entirely. Allow him to finish the process he’s started.
3. Be United In The Fact That Transgressions Need Disciplining:
Just because you don’t agree with the way the other parent is dealing with the situation, it doesn’t mean you should let the kid off her punishment. So, stop your spouse if you must, especially with corporal punishment, but mete out something less harsh.
4. Stay Calm:
Judith Locke, again, believes that scolding and hitting never help. Talking to your child calmly and warmly, and making her understand that her action was either dangerous or rude, is what makes for great parenting.
5. Agree With Each Other When It Comes To Positive Parenting:
When your child has already done something right and one parent is applauding her for it, it makes sense for the other one to join in. That is, as long as neither is going overboard in rewards for good behaviour. This shows that parents are always taking a united front, showing your kid that you work together, in some things at least.
By ZenParent
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to