Being a mother is a very special responsibility, but it is just that–a responsibility. You are not going to be able to go out as much, you won’t have as much money, and your priorities are going to change. This is going to be hard on some of your friendships, especially those with people who are not married, or who do not have children of their own. You change, and as a result, your friendships change. It is no longer as fun to spend free time with you because instead of shopping, talking about dating, or whatever else, it turns into lugging baby or child around, and talking about baby. You have nap schedules you have to stick to, sitters you have to pick up, etc. So, college friendships can be ruined.
What you can do about motherhood ruining college friendships: The best thing to do is to recognize that it is likely to happen, and that it is okay. It is true that you will feel left out of the loop for a while, and you may be envious of your college friends and what they have, but you have something they do not have as well. Motherhood is very rewarding, so you can focus on the rewards that it gives your life, instead of the drawbacks. In addition, you can seek out new friends that fit your current life better. You can look for friends in similar situations, with kids, who spend their time much the same as you do.
Tips for making new friends: The best tip for making new friends is to be yourself. If you aren’t, your friendships will be ruined as well, as soon as real life catches up to you. So, if as you make new friends your child has a nap scheduled, don’t miss it to hang out, schedule around it, because that is what you will be doing with these people a few months down the road. The second tip is to make friends with kids too. This way they know what you are talking about, can relate, and you can get your kids together when you hang out, and no one is inconveniencing anyone else.
Tips for keeping close to college friends: The best tip for staying close to your college friends after motherhood is to focus on your friendship. You have to be an individual as well, and not only identify yourself as mom. If your identity turns into mom, then you won’t relate as well with your old college buddies. So, if you were really involved in politics, keep that interest up. If you loved high fashion, don’t give it up because you have kids. Your friends have to see that you are still the same person who they became friends with, you just have more facets, or dimensions to your personality now. In addition, be sure that when you do hang out with them you do not make it difficult because you are dragging along a tired, ornery toddler, or a colicky baby. Get a sitter and go out, or make sure your children are well rested, fed, entertained, etc. Last but not least, be sure that you do not talk about your kid the whole time and nothing else. Your friends are going to expect you to talk about your kids some, as they are a huge part of your life. However, they do not care what little Johnny said to his teacher, or what Suzie got on her spelling test in excruciating detail.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to