The sad truth about today’s marriages is that many of them fail. Most marriages start out great but the stress and difficulties of everyday life often take their toll. While money, careers and family demands often play a part in the demise of a marriage, experts tell us that a lack of communication, jealousy, family interference, parenting and boredom are the five most common stressors which ultimately cause marriages to fail. Let’s discuss each of these issues and ways to fix or avoid them entirely, in order to keep your marriage strong.
1. Lack of communication. Every couple began their relationship by talking. Once wed, between fatigue, stress and the constant demands of everyday living, communication begins to break down. Then, one day they find they don’t talk as much as they used to or the conversations they are having lack substance and meaning. In addition, spouses start to hold resentment and blame over unmet expectations. A lack of honesty and respect can also erode communication. Every couple must make open and honest communication a constant priority in their marriage for the sake of keeping their marriage strong.
2. Jealousy is another common reason that many marriages break up. Once married, many people expect their spouse to give up friendships with members of the opposite sex. Innocent interactions among friends are sometimes misconstrued and, if not handled properly with honesty and openness, jealousy and mistrust grow. If frankness and honesty regarding opposite sex friendships are lacking from the beginning of the relationship, a lack of trust and openness mixed with bitterness will break down the marriage. Marriage will change previously established friendships, especially with members of the opposite sex, but neither spouse should have to give up those well-established friendships to suit a mate. Instead include your spouse in your friendships and work to foster trust among your friends and your spouse, as this will go a long way in staving off jealousy and a lack of trust in your marriage.
3. Family often causes a great deal of stress in a marriage; familial conflicts also frequently lead to the demise of the marriage. While jokes have been made for years about interfering in-laws, if you don’t like yours, that dislike often causes trouble for years. Interfering in-laws often put stress on marriages by trying to force a spouse to choose between their marriage and their family. Additionally, the step-children and ex-spouses that come with second marriages add stress to the new family dynamic. Everyone has to be added carefully into the blended family mix. Conflicting parenting styles also cause friction, often resulting in the inability of the new family to mesh correctly. Couples must make it a priority to focus on their marriage and deal with problems and conflicts with a united front.
4. Parenting can be overwhelming for any couple. Statistics show that many marriages dissolve after the birth of the first child. The introduction of a child into the marriage changes the dynamic, dramatically in some cases, as each spouse must now also take on the role of parent. Couples often become so caught up caring for their new baby that they forget to make time to focus on each other. In addition, spouses might feel left out of the new relationship. Couples must enlist the help of babysitters and grandparents so that they might make time to focus their energy and time on their relationship.
5. Marital boredom. Surprisingly, boredom is a factor in the dissolution of many marriages. Many couples report simply growing bored and growing apart from one another over time. They see the marriage become stagnant and, rather than working to resolve the problems in the marriage or add new life to the relationship, desire to move on without the resolving the problems grows. This is perhaps the easiest fight to avoid. Make a commitment, as a couple, to spend time doing things together. Sign up for a class geared toward couples, travel or surprise each other. Focus on adding new energy to your relationship to keep it fresh and strong.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to
Good insights. As kids of two failed marriages, my wife and I try hard to avoid these traps, and have been reasonably steady about an annual marriage retreat around time of our anniversary (10 years this July!) to take stock, put it all on the table, and give ourselves liberty to ask for and make big changes if we are off track of where we want to be. Still, new (and wonderful) challenges of kids (http://dadtoday.blogspot.com/2008/09/ships-passing-and-minty-fresh-breath.html) makes it clear you can never take for granted things will always be OK. It’s your job to keep love fresh and alive and changing and deepening as life and circumstances change.